Friday, 3 August 2007

What am I doing here?

good question and one I have asked many times before never quite managing to come to any acceptable conclusion. All I know is that I won't be here much longer, europe has lost it's charm and my calling in the near future will be to Asia. Cambodia or Viet Nam maybe? I am not quite sure yet but this blogg's only purpose is to chart my progression from european resident to the tropics and the whole process along the way. as a matter of course I will be taking up all manner of issues along the way as they occur to me or as they seem relevant. It is not my intention to provide anyone with any form of entertainment but as my life can be quite chaotic I wonder if it wont be entertaining anyway.

So, What am I doing here, I don't have the faintest idea but maybe someone can mail me with the answer as it becomes obvious to the as the blogg develops. I have gradually been loosing my grip on my life over the last two years, since the divorce and custody battle, small parts of my life have been falling off and getting lost and I can't seem to find them again. debts build up, alchohol comsumption rises and I dont check my mail or answer the phone if I don't know who it is anymore. The wolf is at the door. It is situations like these that really make you re-evaluate your life, I need clarity and the only way to clarity is through reflection. For reflection you need to be sober, this is my first problem. they say if you have been to hell and back you often leave a peice of yourself there.

Your armchair burnt itself to the ground today
That yellow mug that you liked so much fell off the sink and smashed into a million peices
All the pictures of us together were on the armchair as it burst into flames
Those curtains that you made were unfortunately caught in the ensuing blaze
Your half of the bed got up and jumped out of the bedroom window
falling to it's death on the concrete below.
And yes, I'm doing fine
Thanks for asking

I have one year left here before I board a jet plane bound for Asia never to return. I am going to dress in linen suits and wander Phnom Penh with a camera in my hands before retirning to a small local bar in the evening to drink Bear lao and lie about my past because my past will not exist any more. This blogg is my confession and my witness, I really do not know if I will mange to make all the necessary plans and carry out my aim of a move to Cambodia or if I will totally self destruct first and end up either in jail or a mental hospital, only time will tell.

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