Only time will tell

I have government agencies closing in on me to get me in their grips. Not as serious as it sounds it is however a source of worry, a friend of mine here recently had a heart attack and is now extremely aware of how stress affects our lives and bodies, my stress levels are really high at times. Every time there is a knock on the door and I go and look through the little peephole and see two unknown adults outside then I know they have another form for me to sign. How I got into this situation is irrelavant but the politics behind it are.

Already immediatly after leaving home it begins; the banks see a student and are quick to offer continual increases in the overdraft instead of the government giving benefits which make it possible for students to live dignified lives without borrowing too much, many are obliged to take jobs directly after graduation because they are already ten thousand in debt. As a teacher you earn enough money to live only if you live as a couple and comprimise your lifestyle, if you beome single with a (or several) child then suddenly you don't have a salary which will give you a dignified lifestyle. The only way to survive is to take on credit, tying you to the banks for years to come, if you want to buy a house then you are tied even more tightly.

What is the answer to this?

The answer for me is escape, I don't want to be a part of this any longer. Phnom Phenn is somewhere where I could live and work and earn enough to live a decent life without prostituting myself for the bankers and the polititions. This attracts me quite honestly. I saw a slogan on T.V. yesterday, " Voting only allows us to choose our masters". I have not voted since the middle of the nineties; partly because I am not allowed to vote in the host country and partly because I have no interest in voting in my home country. What right do I have to affect how England is governed as I have no intention of ever living there again?

I do not want to live in England as England is country which is not so slowly falling apart. The state of the inner cities is quite frankly scary, what is happening? The youth of the urban centres are without hope, they are without future so a number of them are creating their own. I am under no pretence. I know that the lack of hope for the underclass in countries like Cambodia is just as brutal if not more so but it is more honest, it is more understandable, If I live there for fiftenn years maybe the society will start to change for the better. I can be a part of a developing society rather than a devolving one, or maybe I'm just talking shit.

Only time will tell.



The battle between light and dark
blue light dark angels
empty pockets spawn a million possibilities.

The starving wolf
kept in a cage
is a dangerous animal to feed.




Lucien